Category: Let's talk
SO my question is, have you ever, at one point in time acted like someone your not? I sure have when I was younger. Most people remember me on the zone back in the day as someone who always tried to flex in front of people, I told a lot of lies, and Hurt a lot of people with things I did and said. I still don't know why, maybe I was insecure with who I was at the time, but has anyone ever done this at one point in time?
I've had people say they aren't who they are online. I think it makes no sense, because, if you wanna get to know some people, a fake front, can hurt you. Being yourself, can bring problems, too. I was on a chatline, and told everyone I was blind. I got a private message, saying how this guy would love to rape a "Blind girl. She couldn't see my face," he said. Instead of stopping a would-be criminal, I was told to get off that line.
Blessings,
Sarah
I think everyone has done that at some point in their lives. I too, acted differently online than I acted in person when I was younger, but even today, many people here don't like the way I phrase things on the boards and such. Yet, they don't bother getting to know me outside of the board posts I make and reply to, which I think is another angle to this discussion: it's easy for people to trash others for what they said online years ago, or how they acted online years ago, than to get to know the people nowadays. Change is good, but many don't see it that way.
exactly. I can't tell you how many people hold onto what I did 8 years ago. its crazy.
Definitely have done it. I'm more vocal online, meet me in person and I'm real
shy.
I’ve always been interested in the idea of an online persona. Obviously people sometimes use their perceived ananimity to do and say things they might otherwise not. You need only look at the comments section of pretty much anything to see that. Otherwise, the world would be full of so, so many assholes. But I’ve often thought that an online persona is really just another aspect to our own personalities. You might not do and say the same things in person you do online, but that online persona is still you saying and doing something. I think you can learn a great deal about a person by how they conduct themselves online. In many ways it’s interesting to watch people communicate without the filter of immediate consequence, particularly when often, people really do have the ability to think before they type. I’m not sure I would put forth the idea that a person is more real online than in person, but it is an interesting thought to consider that just maybe, our online selves are perhaps truer representations of who we are.
Chelsea, you’ve often stated that nobody really gets to know the real you outside of these boards, and that many take issue with your particular brand of online communication. Does that mean you speak and treat people differently in person? If so, why the change?
To answer the question yes, I used to act slightly differently online than in person when I was younger. I’m generally a somewhat theatrical person; not into drauma exactly, but a little theatrical. I’m like this in person to a much, much smaller degree, because I often get some strange looks if I suddenly start adopting a certain style of phrasing or accent in a given situation. These days though, I’m pretty much the same way online as in person. I’m actually a lot more reserved in both ways now. I feel both online and in person that I’m kind of an anomaly in terms of my interests and personality. I don’t have a following, don’t really feel I fit in with most people, and am pretty much an extraverted introvert. I’ll reply to topics like this, but am not really one to approach people to say hello. If people speak to me then I’m friendly and warm, but that’s about it. Sometimes I like to attempt to be amusing in order to stir up the status quo, but I’m also not really one to want to create contention for its own sake. And that last is something a lot of people I seem to encounter online like to do. In a nut shell, I’m more of a passive observer and occasionally a mediator who usually tries to see both sides of an issue, rather than taking sides. But I have morals and values and those remain the same online, and in person. And yes, in person I'm probably just as rambly.
also, its hard to get to know chelsi when she keeps all messages off, just saying
har har
Not at all. I know Chelsea. Smile.
Now to answer the question.
No. When I got online I decided I'd be as I am. For the better or worse.
It is the reason for my handle Forereel.
I tried to get forreal, but couldn't, so mis spelled it.
This might be I was older then you all when I started using chat rooms and whatever, and I'd lived an open life sense I was about 16 I'd say.
My thought, values, and things I'd say, or not, I am same in person and online.
It just seemed simpler to me to do so.
Maybe I didn't make myself clear enough. I'll try again, but I want to first make it clear that I wasn't social on any website besides this one when I was younger. So in saying that when I was younger I used to adopt a different persona on here than who I was in real life, what I meant was this: when I was younger, The Zone was an outlet for me to express things that in my offline life I could never say because of the environment I was in, the people who would've been around to hear me, ETC. In my real life when I was younger, I was quiet as a mouse and never spoke up about anything. That's how I was different on here than I was in real life. Now though, I still express my feelings and thoughts here as I've always done. Nowadays I tend to have a tough love, call it like I see it attitude on here as well as in person, due to the life experiences I've gained over the years. Although in person, I'll sometimes say things differently than I do on here depending on the situation, person that's involved, ETC. In person, I'm also very bubbly personality-wise, which is another aspect of me that cannot come across on here. Since all I have to go by on here are the words that people write, it's a matter of interpreting how posts that I read come across to me. So the short answer to your question Remy is that no, I'm not drastically different from my persona here verses how I am in person--in person, people know that I only speak when I feel something on my mind is valuable and will help a situation or add to it in some other meaningful way. On here though, I think people's feathers get ruffled because I'm a woman who says what's on her mind and I'm direct in my delivery. According to society, women aren't supposed to be that way, yet some of us are that way. Another thing is that when I was on here in my younger days, I lacked confidence. Now though, I'm 1000% comfortable in my skin. People won't always like me, but I think it's ridiculous to keep in mind how someone acted when they were younger or what someone said when they were younger, bring attention to those things, then act like change is a bad thing. I hope everyone has changed throughout their life, in ways that make everyone's life better in the end.
It isn't hard to get to know me just because I have all messages turned off. There's no way to turn off receiving private mail for example, so sometimes I do answer private mail if I check it. For example, if someone sends me a private mail message saying that something I said affected them, or there was something in my profile that he/she found entriguing, I'll likely respond to that message. Whereas, if someone just sends me a message saying "hey" I'll assume that they're just randomly contacting people and really have nothing of value to say.
Hey Chelsea!
Laughing.
Well articulated, Chelsea. For what it's worth, I've never felt you saying what's on your mind as a woman was a problem. We have men around here who do the same thing with different degrees of agrivation. If anything, it's refreshing. Sort of ironic you think people think women shouldn't be direct like that and have such a strong opinion about discrimination in some form. Anyway, I remember the Chelsea from say five years ago. You've changed a lot since then from what little I've gleaned from board interactions. If anything, people's feathers likely get ruffled more out of precieved lack of empathy and heavy-handedness. That's one of the greatest roadblocks with just reading text. All the subtle nuances that come with tone and inflection are left to guess work. Sometimes I think that makes people appear harsher than they otherwise would. Occasionally people are just raging dicks, but you can usually decern them by how they treat others. I'd wager a large portion of the inflamed ego and drama on these boards would disappear if these conversations were conducted via voice. People online, in my experience at least, are far, far too eager to take offense, and just as eager to dish it out.
How is it ironic that I think that? It's based off my experience, both online and offline. People have flat out told me that part of the reason they're surprised about what I say is because other women aren't so forward or "heavy-handed" as you call it. Personally though, I don't think being "heavy-handed" as you say, is a bad way to be. It shows that I'll say what's on my mind if I feel it would be beneficial to someone in some way, as well as that I'm not worried about what others will think of me or do think of me. If I don't feel right about saying something on or offline, I won't do so. As I've said in numerous other topics, I've been dealt tough love by people who I know cared about me and truly wanted to see me succeed and sometimes, that's the only way to get a message across to someone. On here for example, where each of us is reading text that's written, someone may interpret something that's been said totally differently than how the person who wrote it actually meant to convey his or her message. Or, perhaps people don't like what they think is true of a person, but only care to go off their opinion, instead of getting to know the person for who he or she is. Like how you said that you don't see it as a problem how I speak my mind, for example; others would probably disagree with you. That's fine. I'm just on here to have fun. If I happen to make friends in the process, that's fine too. Although, interestingly, you've made me think of another point, which is that another way I'm different on here is that I'm never in public discussions with people. Whereas, in offline life, I'm always the life of the party, regardless of how many people are in attendence.
I am the same here as I am in person. I like people and prefer to be friendly both here and in person. The only difference is that I am more articulate in writing on here than in casual conversation. I too believe in honesty, but I believe a dash of tact and kindness is in order when discussing things. Just my view. I prefer the real time chatting of PQNS over email as responses are more immediate and less formalized, like a leasurely conversation. I really do not like live voice chatting. I have always disliked telephones, and live voice chat feels like a modern version of the same thing. Besides, I like the Zone mostly when I'm winding down for the day and as other people are usually around me, I prefer PQNS.
Don't blame you Chelsea. Quicknotes are far, far too unreliable for communication. I don't mind the private ones as much, but I find either the public discussions don't interest me much, or if they do, replies usually get drowned out. As for being direct, I think that's okay. Refreshing at times even as I said. I do think pasco has a point though about how one chooses to be direct. It's usually the delivery of directness I take issue with, rather than the directness itself. And that's where the nuances of language and inflection come into play - or not, when simply writing text. Don't get me wrong, I'd prefer to write my thoughts as I am more articulate with writing, but I too have gotten grief for how I come across when no offense was meant.
I'm the same online or off. Somewhat shy but I can talk a lot if I want to or need too, or if someone or something grabs my attention.
I'm told I'm much easier to talk to out loud than I am via text. You lose tone and inflection and all that stuff, and that's hugely important. My voice is quite expressive, and while I consider myself a pretty good writer, conflict tends to make short tempers for everyone involved.
As far as being myself and whatnot? Generally yes. What you see is what you get. Unfortunately I have issues both on and offline that I'm trying to get through, issues which are not quite so simple as "what you see is what you get". I don't like feeling cornered and I have self-sabotage concerns (not doing things even when I know I should). Combine those two things, and it means that while my intentions are usually very good, sometimes I lie when I feel cornered, in order to escape what I see as looming disaster. Never, ever works, and I know it intellectually, but it's a very difficult habit to break.
So short answer: like 98% of the time, whatever you see from me is the real me. If you've put me into a corner though, I'd like to say I'll be honest, and I'm trying very hard not to do those things anymore, but it's a work in progress. So far so good, since last August or thereabouts, but I know I'm not perfect.
I've learned to give myself room to breathe if confronted with a question or situation which makes me want to lie. I close my mouth and I wait. I tell myself to either tell the truth, or ask to talk about it later.
Chelsae, being a woman has nothing to do with feathers getting ruffled. You tend to come across as blunt to the point of being cruel. Certainly not all the time of course.
In general, I am the same on-line as off. I really enjoy talking with one or two people at once, but am really uncomfortable in larger settings. Maybe a little shy at times, but definitely somewhat reserved most other times. Therefore, I do not participate in publics on this site. Did try it for a short time, but just couldn't find my nitch so to speak. However, I almost always respond if someone sends me a pqn to get to know me, and will often reach out to someone I have already become acquainted with. And that's how I am off-line in my every day life too. Would say that I have a somewhat quirky sense of humor, but am just as likely to respond to a board posting with sincere compassion or maybe at times equally severe conviction. Would say that I am hard to get to know. But once you really know me, you will hopefully appreciate my friendship and recognize it as genuine. Both on-line and off, I have many more casual friends than close ones. Because of my super honesty, I would never even think of pretending to be someone or something I'm not.
I've never set out to deliberately act like someone else online. Though I have fallen into the trap many others have: saying stuff behind a keyboard in ways I wouldn't say it to someone's face were I actually speaking to them in person. As I've gotten older, I try to be more aware of what I'm saying and how, so that the way I type to someone is more like how I'd talk to them.
I think when anyone writes out text, myself included, it comes across one way because the person reading it already expects that when they see a certain username, that that user doesn't have anything of value to say, in the eyes of the person reading it--I come across that way probably because of my honesty, and the fact that people know more about me because I've written things here since this website was an outlet for me at one time.
I'm 80% same online and in person. Only different is that I'm much more reserve online
than in person. Maybe some might consider me as cold, but it is more reserve than cold.
Like and unlike others, I can be someone but myself online and offline, yet be no-one but myself not online and not offline.
People may have a disposition towards certain people, Chelsea. Personally to me, you don't always come across callis and uncaring. But you are quick to find fault and to disagree. So it really depends on the subject you speak of. Maybe you're not as harsh in person as online, but then I think that just proves my point. Disagreement doesn't make someone disagreeable. But the mannen that disagreement is conveyed. That's always been my issue with certain people here. Not that they disagree or have an opinion; there's nothing wrong with that at all. But it's the way it is expressed. And that's where text is an issue.
Gonna go ahead and say that I'm pretty good at divorcing the point from the person making it. I could love you to death and still become angry if you make the wrong point the wrong way, or do something else upsetting in text. Conversely, I could really dislike you, either in person or online or both, and if you make a good point, I'll concede it. I think that ascribing this weakness of character to people who don't understand you, Chelsea, says way more about you than it does about the people with whom you come into conflict.
Speaking personally, and quite apart from the shame/dishonesty stuff, I actually try and show respect almost all of the time, even while annoyed or outright angry. I don't always manage it. I've sniped before, and I will likely snipe again, but I try not to do this. As I've said on previous threads before this one, online especially means communication is muddy. If I'm engaging in a discussion with you, I want you to understand. That's my primary mission objective. If that means couching something in different language so you'll understand, if it means explaining it really clearly or appearing to soft-pedal so that I'm not just running you into the ground, then I'll do it. I don't give much of a rip that some people think I'm too gentle. I'm really, really not; just ask the people who know me well. At worst, my desire to get my point across usually trumps my desire to be forceful. I've had to learn that over the years. You gain nothing if you're misunderstood. You gain nothing if people think you're a dick due to your delivery and stop listening. You gain nothing if your choice of words gets someone upset or angry enough that they do not, cannot or will not accept the overall point you're trying to make.
I rarely if ever have these problems in person. It's almost always online that it comes up in the first place. I think that comes both from the mutability of words read on a screen/heard by a screenreader, and, as stated before, the ability to hear tone in one's voice. Body language also plays a part. I've had it happen where I had an argument over the phone or skype which I know wouldn't have gone quite so badly if it had happened in person, or, contrarily, an argument that started in person which ended up being averted more easily that way...an argument which might've gotten really ugly at long distance.
Both on this thread and others, I have noticed certain people are really parranoid. They appear to believe that they are being singled out for durision. I agree with a couple of others on here that they may have brought this on themselves by posting harshly, which they falsely call honesty. Honesty does not require cruelty or insults. Others though feel parranoid just because there view is disputed. They feel it is personal rather than just a disagreement of viewpoints. Communicating in writing does take some care by both the writer and the reader. We all need to try and express ourselves and our views clearly, and try to refrain from personal insults against those with whom we disagree when we are the writer. As readers, we need to try and understand the view being expressed, and not take every argument against us as an insult.
Well said, Pasco.
Indeed. There's nothing more agrivating than someone being simply rude under the guise of honesty or bluntness.
I can't remember doing so. I never got the point of pretending to be someone else.
It really is true that people see a username and already expect something or another. A great example is that I can make a sexual joke and people will laugh. Judge Tanya, AKA Chris can make the same joke and be considered a creep. Whether it's right or not, people do remember what we said or how we came across in the past, so it has a pretty good chance of coloring how what's said is interpreted. We all know that Chris's and my personalities are totally different.
let me tell you. I still deal with the screw-ups from my late teens, all the lies and stories I told here. some people to this day 7 years later still won't let it go.
Unfortunately, it's life. If someone has gone to prison and gets out, even years later, if the public knows, there's gonna be some stigma. I know, I know. I never said it was fair.
he is right. even things I did here 7 years ago people still bring up if a older zoner, or someone who heard about me from an older zoner has said something about me
I still can't live it down even though I have moved on from it.
I can't say I have ever been somebody i'm not online but I can say I am a lot
more thoughtful and deep in person or over the phone. Online, I rather go for
the joke and be silly. In person, I do the same but with a little more thought. I
definitely don't hide or lie about who I am though. I strongly believe that shit
will come back to bite you in the ass.
I think at one point or another we are all guilty of this, even if it was when we are younger.
I think we are also guilty of sometimes judging people on their pasts even if we see they've changed. Hell I still judge myself this way a lot.
People can and do change though, and I hink this is where you really wanted this topic to go.
I tend to be a lot more controversial with my opinions on the internet. I push
the envelope a little in public online. I do it in real life too, but much less and I
am quieter. I use the internet almost as a speech making platform or a debate
stage.
I think most if not then just some know who I was on here. I was a lot more
competitive. The arrogance I had made me play a game of how many can I win
over, and how brash and fierce I could be. I didn't say too many of those
opinions in real life. Some of the philosophical stuff but I think I was definitely a
lot more brash about things. If I had no filter in real life, I really had none
online. Also, I am much more friendlier and outgoing online. I've become
quieter even in person but I am still fairly outgoing online.
I am probably a little more outgoing online. More likely to jump out and introduce myself to folks probably. But I am not fake. Those who would get to know me in real life would hopefully find me exactly as they know me online, albeit as I said probably less likely to speak up in a room full of people than to send a note to a zone with a bunch logged in.
Oh, I am not fake either, but people who get to know me even by phone can see
a bit of a difference. I usually don't offer my opinions as often unless I am in
class, and not as boldly. I do say something when the time is opportune. I do
express myself more or less, but not as outspoken as on here or the internet. I
don't give speeches usually, I walk up to people who I think can handle me and
my opinions. I generally put out my opinion in any conversations like it or not
on the internet. I'd had to learn how though even on here. Well, maybe not like
it or not. If an opinion is going to be more controversial sometimes I think about
it. There's times that I don't though. I get myself in more trouble then I'd like.
heh! my opinions can still be somewhat unpopular, though, for sure they're not
as sensation causing as they were before. Probably also because I have
matured and am no longer brash, rash, and reckless. I try to be sympathetic as
empathy I seem not to get a grasp of. If you know MBTI, I am awful at FE. I've
learnt a great deal from it though.
On the internet I monologue or give speeches more. I think I lecture people
more. In real life I don't start doing this unless you have me absolutely worked
up. I usually am in my head so sometimes you really have to engage me or I
don't say anything, I am a bit of a social isolationist. I spend much of my time
in here, no not because I am blind or disabled, feel sorry for myself, and can't
get out, I simply don't want to. I am a bit of a solitary loner. It's rare to get me
on a room with people, I go sometime if I must or if I really find it interesting.
NO, I don't get nervous, I can really zone out and be in my world even in
crowds I had to learn the hard way what reading a book in a party means. I
usually don't go, if I don't find anyone interesting I just think or leave early. I
get bored at those much too fast. If you invite me to a party I am likely to turn
it down unless something depended on it. I go to some events, depending on
the interest, and I don't usually stay to socialize. I may say hello if someone
else.does. I'll go and grab a cookie, maybe have a brief conversation with who
ever I victimized to help me out, I ask random people, but that's about it. I
seem a bit more extroverted on the internet, but that's about the only place I
am.
Oh I am also really bad at returning texts and messages. I am a bit better with
phone calls. Yes, I do disconnect with people, but then there are some I
accidentally lose contact with for a bit because of life. and people are like I
thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore! and, it's like, no I want to talk
to you, I've just been busy and really in my world and forgetful and also really
mindless. I forget who all I talk to unless I look.
oh if I don't zone out or engage you more or less or have more to say, I
probably like you somewhat or a lot, depending on how enthusiastic I am. Is
there people I will engage and be super aware of when they are back when they
walk away? Yes. Generally people I like more. Usually It's not like that.